Got to leave work today after only an hour and a half – AND THEN when I got home, I got to call the Poison Control Center.

Yes.

So, I have this recurring fungal infection under my wedding band. It’ll go away for a while, then come back. Usually it’s just a minor annoyance, sometimes it gets really bad: itchy, scaly, oozy, and I have to run back out to the doctor for the prescription-strength stuff. The problem is, it’s basically on my hand, near the palm-side. The skin on your palm is incredibly thick, and this is usually a good thing, because we pick things up with our hands, and we need the extra protection (say, against burns or scrapes or whatever else). The downside is, once you get a fungal infection on your palm, it is incredibly difficult to treat. And by “treat” I really mean “get it to go away for good.” Because you have all these layers of skin, and the first couple or so are tougher (to protect your hand, right), so the antifungal will kill the fungus on the first couple layers, but that sneaky damn fungus will just hide out in some deeper layers and then crop back up when the circumstances are conducive (like, you stopped using the antifungal, and you got your fucking finger wet). So, basically, I have a recurring fungal infection. Fun stuff, good times. I usually just deal with it because the only way to keep it from coming back ever would be to not wear my wedding ring, and even that wouldn’t totally guarantee no more fungus, so fuck that.

Anyway, new breakout yesterday, pretty itchy from the get-go, and I use some of this new maximum strength shit Greg picked up for some athlete’s foot not too long ago. (Side note: I used to get athlete’s foot ALL THE DAMN TIME when I was younger. It was like athlete’s foot and strep throat once a month. Seriously. Once. A. Month. Not kidding. I wish I was. Thank god that shit’s over and in the past.) I put some on my finger last night, and the itching stopped – sweet relief! I also washed my hands twice – skimping a little around the base of my ring finger (don’t want to wash off the antifungal *there*), but focusing extra on my finger tips (don’t want to ingest this nasty shit, or rub it in my eyes or anything).

Somehow, I must have ingested a tiny amount anyway, in spite of all my caution, because I got this FUCKING FOUL taste in my mouth this morning, that just kept getting stronger and stronger and worse and worse. Coupled with nausea and diarrhea. It got bad enough that I worried if it was any worse I wouldn’t be able to drive myself home, so I left work.

Got home, and called the Poison Control Center. They fucking rule. I will most likely be donating to WCPE and the PCC this year, because holy shit, the PCC rules: they’re free, and they’re incredibly knowledgeable, and if you are badly poisoned, they will call an ambulance FOR YOU and tell the EMTs what to prepare for, and basically hook your ass up. And most of the calls they get, they can resolve/treat over the phone, which saves you the cost of a doctor’s or ER visit. The woman I talked to was extremely helpful, managed to figure out exactly what I was talking about ingesting even though I wasn’t sure of the pronunciation (undecylenate/undecylenic acid), and totally didn’t make me feel like an ass, which is a wonderful bonus, as far as I’m concerned. The good news is, I ingested what they call “a lick or a taste,” a negligible amount, and it tastes fucking NARST, and might make my face feel a little numb, but I’m okay. Just rinse my mouth out with water, drink 8oz. more water to dilute the taste, good to go. With larger doses, there’s a risk of nausea, upset stomach, or diarrhea (and my digestive system is such a fucking pansy that I got those symptoms with this negligible amount, but whatever, at least I’m not poisoned!), but the toxicity of undecylenate is pretty damn low, so I’d have to eat a ridiculous amount of it before I needed medical aid.

Now I just get to wait until I finish feeling shitty, but that’s alright, because I’m not poisoned! And the narsty taste is still there, but the swishing and diluting did help quite a bit, so it’s tolerable. Before I wanted to vomit. Let me repeat that if it didn’t impress you enough: I WANTED to VOMIT. I would usually rather do just about anything (short of dying) than vomit, but earlier today I wanted to vomit, just to get the taste out of my mouth. The inside of my mouth, and my tongue, wanted to crawl out of my fucking face to get away from that damned foul taste. Now it’s tolerable. Bless you, bless you, Poison Control Center. Their number is 1-800-222-1222, in case you want to keep it handy, just in case. They are awesome.