Today’s hexagram is 60, Chieh (limitations): regulating options and what you give your attention to lets you put more into your priorities (the key is regulation and not just widespread restriction). This is actually pretty apt, considering all the heavier personal crap that’s been troubling me lately. It’s got some changing lines, so the transformed hexagram is 29, K’an (dangerously deep): a crucial trial, that can be overcome by maintaining integrity; but not as easy as it sounds due to necessary sacrifice of things you depend upon or hold dear. And *that* is even more apt, and basically sums up exactly what I’ve been grappling with lately. And it sucks. But whatever. I’m dealing.
Tonight, Greg’s band, Zardoz, has a show at 506 that I’m very much looking forward to. I even arranged to work a half-day tomorrow so I don’t have to drag my sorry carcass in early after being out late. Unfortunately, the weather forecast is calling for a huge winter storm this weekend, so it’s looking like I won’t be able to make up time on Sunday. And also like I’ll most likely be skipping bellydance classes (although if the weather’s that bad, classes will probably be cancelled). I really don’t want to miss bellydance class. 
On the other hand, it would be kind of nice to hole up in the house, play boardgames, read (I am TEARING through the No. 1 Ladies’ Detective Agency series lately, AND just got an awesome first edition of The Kennel Club Mystery that I’m looking forward to), drink hot chocolate, and be cozy in my fleece footie jimjams. You know, just hibernate for a weekend, basically. Maybe have a little fire in the firepit thingy. (It’s not a firepit, exactly, but also not exactly a fireplace, nor a chiminea. Don’t quite know what to call it.)
Here are a couple videos/tunes I’ve had on repeat lately, that are awesome and cheering/cathartic:
Today’s hexagram is 54, kuei mei (“a loveless marriage,” poo to that!): basically, the rescue offered now will get you out of this jam, but into a bigger one later on. Boo to that! Don’t trade your future for a quick fix, yada yada.
There are transforming lines today, and the transformed hexagram is 55, fêng (abundance): you’re the best person for the job, and that’s why you were chosen, so give it your best.
Well, shit. I am totally flummoxed. I have no idea about either of these.
But this is awesome, I know that:
I’ve been really slack about keeping up with my I Ching experiment every day. But whatever, it’s just for fun, so I’m not going to worry about it. I’ve been busy with work, and crafting, and QT with the hubs, and anxiety, and some ridiculous insomnia lately (that appears to finally be passing), so, yeah.
But today’s hexagram has no transforming line, and is 14, ta yu (great treasures): supreme success; using modesty, compassion, and economy to create balance in the world around you. The text sounds more like *I’m* helping effect a miracle for *someone else* (“Because you can see clearly who most needs a miracle, Heaven’s bounty is being put at your disposal.”), but I don’t know about that so much. Anxiety and insomnia have been whooping my ass lately, and I’m just trying to get my own little world balanced. So, that part makes sense – I am seeking balance, and I am trying to be better about staying calm, modest, and compassionate. We’ll see how that works out.
Today’s great success was getting a super awesome haircut by Jess. I will admit it is a little out of my normal comfort zone – there was definitely a point at which I was like, “Oh god, that’s getting short” – but goddamn it is cute, and I cannot stop admiring it. Kudos to Jess, she TOTALLY knows what she’s doing. And it reminds me a bit of a picture of Clara Bow that I’ve always loved – and always wished I could “pull off” her hairstyle. Guess what? I can. Squee! Here’s what it is: it is the haircut I have always wanted, but never gotten because I didn’t think it would work on me. But I love it and I think it totally suits me, and I am pleased as fucking punch. So happy! I’ve even got pictures, but I’ll post them later because it is getting close to Fringe time and I really need to switch some laundry into the dryer.
And I’ve also finally taken pictures of the rad and sassy hipskirt, and breathtakingly lovely hairclip, that I bought from my bellydance teacher, who is also a talented crafter. (Seriously. I’ve started taking one of her Saturday classes as well as the Sunday class. At the first Saturday class, she brought some of her items, and these two….I just wanted, but I’m trying to cut back on impulsive purchases. And then kept thinking about them. And then Sunday, there they were, back in class, and I managed to pay attention in class, but I won’t lie – I was totally mindful the entire time of them sitting over there, and that did it. And I am so glad I did get them, because I would be sad if I missed my chance.) And speaking of other talented crafters, Kendra gave me some delicious-smelling soap, that she made from scratch – like, from lye and vegetable fat scratch! And I’ve got a picture of that. But time to switch laundry over, so pictures later. Sorry!
No pictures today, I’m afraid. Too tired to edit them right now, too close to bedtime for me. Today was…pretty good, all in all. There were some moments I wasn’t too thrilled about, but they actually helped me realize some things that were good to realize. I’m not terribly proud of the process, so I won’t go into it – but probably the biggest thing was more first hand experience that, yes, I do sometimes let other people get to me, and am reactive, rather than, um…proactive? calm? When I reoriented my perception a bit, I realized it wasn’t even a thing. But my first reaction was…well, reactive, duh, and it seemed like totally a thing. Hopefully all these helpful realizations will lead to less of my own head being stuck up my ass. 
Not quite that bad – I’m poking fun at myself. But I was kind of grumpy and irritable for alot of today. I guess when the hardcore PMDD symptoms went away, I forgot I could still be kinda bitchy during PMS. You know, or at all in general, and that’s not really the case. And then this afternoon/evening, I kind of got over myself, at least in terms of the grumps, but got hit with a bit of anxiety. Nothing too bad, but annoying. Anyway. So I’m about to go take it real easy and relax, and then go to bed. (Kind of funny how I have to relax *to* go to bed.)
Tomorrow’s hexagram is a good omen: 1, ch’ien (creative activity). No transforming lines. “Sublime success if you keep to your course.” Don’t know if “the course” is further removing my head from my ass (which I think is really a lifelong journey for pretty much all of us), bellydance-related, crafting-related, or all of it.
Anyway, and now I’m going to practice ukelele, finish casting off the scarf I’ve been working on (although probably not weave in the ends tonight), and if there’s time, paint my fingernails. Woop woop. Ain’t no party like a Kathy Jacobs party.
Thursday wasn’t that bad, actually. Just kind of normal.
Friday’s hexagram was 49, ko (revolution): A revolutionary change made forcibly, brought about by yourself alone. Transforming into 40, hsieh (liberation) – but the liberation/relief is from releasing others from your own rigid expectations. The first half seems to be right on the money, since Friday was the day my blood-draw phobia came to a nasty head, and I ended up getting squeezed in at the doctor’s to get some medicinal help. Because I sure as shit needed it. I didn’t even have a bad blood draw Monday, but my anxiety had been getting steadily out of hand from Monday on. Therapy Wednesday just stirred shit up, and Friday I realized it was time to get some help. (And waiting over the weekend wouldn’t really work, since I had work stuff scheduled for Monday that I really needed not to skip out on. So I couldn’t see if it got better, and then go in if it didn’t. Plus, who wants a whole weekend ruined? Not me.) Now we’ve got a better idea of the scope and nature of it, and a game plan for getting me past it. I was given some Xanax to help me calm down after being in full-on panic mode for most of the week, and to test out and see if it will help me calm down for future blood-draws, without making me too loopy and woolheaded to drive myself to the appointment and back. (It will be more of a pain in the ass if I have to get Greg to take off from work and drive me to and from the doctor just so I can have blood drawn, so I’d rather not take the loopy-making meds. The downside so far is, Xanax doesn’t seem to do much for me at all. But I’ve got time to work that out.) I’ve also got some sweet, sweet lidocaine numbing cream (actually, lidocaine and prilocaine) to apply to possible blood-draw sites about an hour to an hour and a half before the procedure, so I won’t feel any pain. I’ll still feel the wiggly, vein-moving-around feeling, but no pain. I think that’ll help alot, actually – I suspect that the intense pain of that one handstick only reinforced my negative experience, and “taught” me that I was right to be panicky. If I can calm down, and not feel the pain, I can get past this phobia. Or that’s the idea. I don’t know where the hsieh comes into it, though, because everything I realized Friday (and since), and in therapy Wednesday, seems to be more about working on myself. I don’t know that rigid expectations of *others* play into my phobia. But who knows. Also, I get to work on the phobia more in therapy, but I knew that. And I don’t need to check on my liver until June/July, so I’ve got time to figure out if Xanax will work, or if I need to do something else.
Saturday’s was 15, ch’ien (modesty): extremes are being tempered; but modesty and moderation are still the keys to success. It transforms into 46, shêng (upward mobility): progressing inch by inch towards certain success. Sweet.
Sunday’s was 64, wei chi (the end in sight): resist rushing to completion, and impatience. “These are the Good Old Days.” Amen to that. That is definitely something I need to learn over and over, and get out of my perfectionist tendencies, and just enjoy being in the present. There were no changing lines, so no transformed hexagram. Only wei chi. I should probably get that tattooed on myself as a reminder, actually. (Although I’ve been toying with getting “éphémère” on the inside of my wrist, to remind me that everything is, duh, ephemeral, and I need to be more present. So, that and wei chi might be a little repetitive. On the other hand, maybe I need repetition to get this through my thick skill. And since I tend to like paired tattoos, I’ve been thinking about getting “metta” on the inside of the other wrist, or something similar but “metta” seems to resonate the most so far, to mark the importance of compassion, and remind me to extend it to all things, sometimes including myself. Hippy tattoos, but the ideas just kind of feel right.) Anyway, Sunday, bellydance started back up in Hillsborough, and I loved it. I’m also going to start taking the CORE level classes in Durham on Saturdays. (I think they’re more in line with what I’m looking for right now, and my teacher thinks they’d be the best fit – but I already signed on for the Sunday classes, my friend Jen takes those, and honestly I’d really enjoy taking two classes a week, and that’s all to the good. More bellydancing, more happy, and more exercise that I actually love and isn’t a chore. Bring it on, say I.)
Monday’s hexagram: 53, chien (gradual progress): adaptability plus integrity yields steady, calm progress. No changing lines. Interesting, because it bodes well, but then yesterday ended up being a bit rough for me, personally. Upsetting. (But then I’m not really expecting the I Ching to be much more for me than the tarot or the horoscope or anything like that: an interesting diversion, with occasional apt synchronicities.) I also pretty much failed at Goth Monday last Monday. I overslept, and on top of that, forgot that we had to leave even earlier than usual because not only was I attending the Monday meeting, Greg had to tape it – so he had to get to work even earlier to get the filming equipment set up on time. I wore jeans and a black tshirt. I had packed some goth-y makeup the night before in my makeup bag – but I washed my makeup brushes and then LEFT THEM AT HOME. So I couldn’t even do that. Just lipbalm. (Delicious, Aromaleigh lipbalm – wonderful stuff – but clear and not upping the goth quotient of my outfit.) I didn’t even take pictures, it was that lame. But at least I wasn’t too cold. And we had D&D Monday evening.
Today’s hexagram is 40, back to hsieh (liberation), and transforming to 38, k’uei (estrangement). Apparently this means not necessarily estrangement – you’re working at cross purposes with another, but you can reorient your perception to find a solution that allows for more than one winner. And then you address your needs and theirs, without compromising your integrity. Pretty interesting, and actually spot-on, although I’m not going into it here, since I haven’t really talked about it with everyone concerned, because I don’t want to hurt feelings, and that’s about all discussing it would accomplish. It’s more of an upsetting recurring pattern, and I tried facing it calmly and front-on and talking it out, and that failed abjectly. So I’m not interested in doing that again. Nothing got fixed, and I just went back to my usual: repressing until repression fails. Which, when it fails, it fails spectacularly and I blow up in a very unpretty and shameful fashion. So I’m looking for another option. Haven’t come up with much yet, but….shit happens.
And tomorrow’s forecast is 31, hsien (attraction): supreme success. The main interpretation of this is all about some getting married. I don’t know if the I Ching didn’t know, but I am already happily married. So…yeah. Some of the vaguer interpretative stuff seems to apply to circle of influence, and interpersonal relationships, so maybe it just means I’m going to be having my way with bitches – I mean, persuading wonderful people to come around to my way of thinking! Of course. No evil plot for world domination here. Move along. It transforms to 62, hsiao kuo (lying low): don’t try too hard; success is being content with oneself, being sincere with no pretense or posturing. I can get behind that.
I’ve also been on a HUGE 1930s kick lately. Got Carnivàle, got some vintage patterns and am anxiously awaiting their arrival, registered with The Fedora Lounge, have been re-watching all the Thin Man movies (not all from the 30s, but love that Myrna Loy!), adding a bunch of old films to my Netflix queue, dvr’ing shit on AMC/TCM/whoever is airing it. My drooling over a Mucha tat/possible sleeve is on hold for the handstick thing, but I’m back to drooling over a Myrna portrait and trying to decide what source image to use. (If I get an arm tattoo that’s large enough, it might make my veins even less visible, which would send whoever’s sticking me for my hand veins even faster. So I’ve got to get a handle on that before I can do the Moon tat/art nouveau sleeve I’ve been considering. Which, honestly, is a better incentive for me to work on this phobia. I know “because your health could depend on it” should really be a motivating incentive, but 1-I’m not that big a hypochondriac, I know it’s not that dire, and 2-it really isn’t. Learn to live with handsticks so I can get handsticks? No, thank you. Learn to live with handsticks so I can get a sweetass sleeve? Yeah, okay.)
And now for some more Emilie Autumn pictures – also, hopefully the Asylum book will be in my little hands shortly, squee!:
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And that appears to be all the EA pics. I could have sworn I took more. Maybe they’re hiding somewhere. Or maybe that’s really it.
I’ve got some video from the concert that I need to upload, too. But it’s more effort than pictures, and I’m not sure whether the vids are worth anything really, since I would start recording on the spur of the moment, and then probably more often than I realized, stop recording at a non-intuitive/non-good-stopping-point for fear of killing the batteries and not being able to take pictures later. We’ll see. I’ll get them up eventually, even if they suck. (Well, because even if they suck, it’s my filming that sucks, and not the awesome show. So it’d still be like, two to five minutes of awesome Emilie Autumn and the Bloody Crumpets.)
I’m very close to finishing up the lovely, squishy cashmere scarf I’ve been knitting, as well as sewing a hip scarf (very simple, so, it’s like “FINALLY!”), and going to fool around with knitting/crocheting some belts and scarves for practicing, so i should have pictures of those soon, too. Oh, and sewing stuff, once I stop waffling over which vintage/vintage-inspired pattern to whip up, and what to do it in, and whether to do a muslin first or not (so impatient!).
Last Monday’s Goth Monday, the first of the new year (minus shoes, because I took them off as soon as I got home and couldn’t be buggered to put them back on):
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Hexagrams!
Monday: 14, ta yu for the present and the future: more great progress and success. I don’t know about the actual day, since I ended up having to go to the doctor, and the blood drawing was rather upsetting. (More suggestion of hand sticks. The incomparable nurse, also named Kathy or perhaps Cathy, managed to get blood from the inside of my elbow, but my veins are really rather invisible there. It’s just a matter of time before someone just straight up refuses to even try, and insists on sticking me elsewhere, so I’ve started working on this in therapy. It’s really a panic issue, and apparently, unfortunately, connected to my sister’s leukemia. Specifically, to when she’d come home with butterflies and I was anxious about hurting her, or upsetting the butterfly. I was, like, four, and apparently picking up on my parents’ anxieties, and it’s just stayed with me, and needles in the backs of hands now means, for me, very bad things. Little kids, and minds, and fears, are funny things. I might get to try acupuncture in my hands to see if that helps desensitize me. We’ll see. The one mindfulness exercise we did today did seem to help me a little bit, but I think next time I’m at the doctor’s and someone turns my hands over to check out the veins there…well, I don’t know that *one* mindfulness exercise is going to cut it, my fear is so very irrational and so large. But we’ll see.) But I went to the DMV, since my license expired on my birthday and I’d forgotten to renew it, and successfully got it renewed, so maybe the hexagram wasn’t wrong. I’m seriously hoping the predicted future progress and success is referring to my blood/veins issues. That would be awesome.
Tuesday: 6, sung, changing to 20, kwan, for the future. Sung seems to mean “Strength without peril would not produce contention; peril without strength would not be able to contend.” Not really sure about this one, will have to think on it. For the future, kwan means…hm. Another tough one. (Do I *really* have the definitive translation? Because it’s about as clear as mud for a newb like me.) As best I can tell, 20 is just an urging to the consulter to have faith in the I Ching and that it will show you the course of things.
Wednesday: 28, ta kwo, changing to 32, hang. (I should probably be using the, uh, diacritics. Oh well. I know what I mean. And if you’re into the I Ching, you either also know what I mean, or can figure it out. And if you’re not into the I Ching, you don’t care, so it doesn’t matter, right.) 28, ta kwo: advantage in moving in any direction whatsoever; there will be success. That’s auspicious! I had a pretty good and productive day at work, and I went to therapy today, where we got started on my blood/veins issues, and that was good. I think there’s much more work to be done there, but a good start. 32, hang: successful progress and no error; movement in any direction is advantageous; be firm and correct. Also auspicious, especially if it’s referring to the blood/veins thing. Hm. We’ll see, won’t we.
And tomorrow’s prediction: 54, kwei mei, changing into 19, lin. 54, kwei mei: AW CRAP. I knew it couldn’t last. Get this: “action will be evil, and in no ways advantageous.” Guess tomorrow’s a day to stay in bed. Too bad that’s not an option. (I guess I’ll really get to test the I Ching’s all-knowing-ness tomorrow, huh.) 19, lin: great progress and success; advantage in being firmly correct (the I Ching is really into this firm correctness, huh); evil in the eighth month. I guess this August is not going to be so awesome for me? Another foretelling we can fact-check.
In other news, my lazy ass has finally – FINALLY – gotten around to *starting* to upload and edit the photos and movies I took at the Emilie Autumn show. I’m not doing them all right now, though, because it’s almost bedtime. But here are the first ones:
Greg and I with Emilie Autumn at the meet and greet:
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Emilie Autumn teaching us about leeches during the bookreading:
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EA during “4 O’Clock”:
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Bloody Crumpets!
L to R: the Lady Aprella, the Contessa, Naughty Veronica
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Captain Maggots (EA in background)
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Today, bellydance started back up. I’ve been really slack about exercising the past two weeks (partly I haven’t been feeling well, mostly just laziness, unfortunately), and I haven’t practiced bellydance anywhere near as much as I should have. I hadn’t realized how much I missed it. Class was awesome, and reminded me how much I love it, and my New Year’s resolution (even though I don’t generally make them) is to fit more bellydance in this year, and make it a regular practice, as well as adjusting my regular exercise regimen to support my bellydance practice even more. So far, I’m adding more abs work, since the core is so essential, and some yoga for flexibility/range of motion.
Sweet. Skeeter just puked for like the third time today. I think he’s upset that I won’t give him wet food. (Which they get only every other day, and they got some last night. And I’m not caving in, since when he gets wet food every day he just gorges himself til he pukes anyway. UGH. That cat.) Oh my god: so, Skeeter puked, because he jumped up on the counter, to snitch some mac and cheese off the stovetop. Little fucker. (The stove has been off for a couple hours, so he didn’t burn himself. I left the mac and cheese out for Greg, because he was still having band practice, and I actually considered putting the lid on it, but thought, “Eh, Skeeter’s NEVER gotten near the stove. It’ll be alright.” Shows what I know.)
Today’s hexagram is 14, Ta Yu, indicating “great progress and success.” I was still thinking about sorting out my bellydance/exercise regimen when I tossed the coins, so maybe this is auspicious. We’ll see.
Today’s hexagram is 31, Hsien: good fortune. Also, keeping an open-mind. Or maybe keeping an open mind leads to good fortune? As far as I can tell. The thing about the I Ching is, on the back of this translation, it’s all, “Should you apply for a job today? Will you find your perfect mate? Should you ask for a raise tomorrow? Consult the I Ching!” But I’ve scanned a couple other hexagrams, in addition to the ones I’ve gotten so far, and it’s more philosophical, less specific-direction-for-your-life stuff. Also, today’s hexagram has no old lines, so I don’t know if that means good fortune in the distant future or not. Hmph.
Today, I think I’m going to sew up a new hip scarf. Since I’ve got a class tomorrow. And tonight I’m going to watch Doctor Who on BBCAmerica. But other than that, no real plans yet.
Happy New Year!
I got dolled up in girly drag, and we went to a friend’s house to play games and usher in the new year. Missed the partial eclipse, though. Ah well. Here’s me in my drag:
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Greg got me some lovely new jimjams (with cherry blossoms on!) for Hogswatch, and a book on art deco, and the I Ching. (Captain Hastings and Miss Lemon consult the I Ching in an episode of Poirot, and I’ve been interested in it since.) I thought it might be fun to consult the I Ching daily for a while, and see how it does. For today, it says 52, the Kan hexagram; and the distant future is also 52. “When one’s resting is like that of the back, and he loses all consciousness of self; when he walks in his courtyard, and does not see any in it,–there will be no error.” “For all things, there is a season” sort of thing: resting when it’s time to rest, acting when it’s time to act.
