Lately, I’ve been trying to (finally, finally, FINALLY!) crank out some hats and socks and goodies and surprises I am SO WOEFULLY BEHIND ON it makes me want to cry. Until I got gastritis, and then I figured all the eventual recipients would probably appreciate me not getting germs all over their stuff. So I took a break from crafting-for-others, and worked on another bed-sized blanket for us. To use up Peaches & Creme yarn I had laying around – except I SERIOUSLY underestimated how much yarn a blanket that size would need. Now, I had quite a bit of yarn laying around, waiting to be used, and I’m not through it all yet, but I don’t think it’s going to be enough. But that’s okay, because the aesthetic for this blanket is kind of like the “aesthetic” for my sock yarn blanket: intentionally kind of hideous. It’s actually not as hideous as the sock yarn one. Not yet, anyway. But I figure if I need more yarn, I’ll just go buy a couple balls of varying colors, and there I go. (I do have some intentionally non-hideous blankets to make, but they’re way behind the line of stuff-that’s-desperately-overdue-for-others.)
It’s rather ambitious. It’s for a king-sized bed, and I just kind of guessed at how much to chain in order to crochet it from the bottom up, so the width of it is ridiculous, and has plenty of overhang past either side of the bed. Although, I guess that’s what I really want, in making a blanket for our bed, so we can share it and both get snuggled under it. Instead of, say, Greg getting under it completely, and me getting under it halfway, and having my ass hang out.
Speaking of the Hideous Sock Yarn Blanket, it developed a hole. And then I mended (ment?) it. I’m ever so proud of myself for that. And here’s Skeeter, sitting on it:
And here he is on it, refusing to look at the camera:
Ignoring the camera like a punk is seriously one of his favorite things, I’m sure, because here he is sitting *next* to me on the couch, as I work on the New Ambitious Hideous Blanket, and REFUSING to look at me or the camera for ANYTHING. UGH.
I like how his smugness sort of comes through that last pic, even though he’s not looking at the camera. What a bastard.
The Kali Box, or Death Box. Similar to something my first therapist suggested to me years ago, a worry box: You write down what’s bothering you, and you put it in the box, and you don’t think about it. Surprisingly effective. If you *must* worry, you just put shit in the box throughout the day, and tell yourself you can set aside some time once a day (30 minutes, an hour) and go through your box, and WORRY. Maybe you try to do productive stuff, and see what action steps you can take to reduce your stress. Or maybe you just look at all the stuff you’ve added to the box and freak out about all the stuff you’ve added to the box. But if it’s not your Worry Time, you just jot down your worries, shove them in the box, and move on. It gets easier with more practice, like pretty much everything.
What I like about the Kali Box, is this added dimension (which I interpreted a bit more literally, when decorating the box), of *relinquishing* your fears/worries/upsets/etc to Kali. Turning them over to her, to be destroyed, to be neutralized, to have all their energy soaked up and reborn as something else. Because she’s also a Creator goddess, not just a Destroyer. It’s like Death – Death is just change: endings, yes, but also beginnings. I loved the fuck-you tongue Kali’s rocking in that pic, so it appealed to me to envision her “devouring” what I put into the box. So that’s why she’s on the inside of the box, and my open, releasing hand is on the top. To help me remember not to hold on to negative shit that doesn’t serve me, and to offer it up to Kali. In the Goddess Temple course (which I’m a bit behind on – about a week, actually – but, you know, life has a habit of happening and going on, while we’re trying to do shit), there’s actually a sort of ritual of burning the stuff you put in your Kali Box, to release it.
There’s a lot about this that appeals to me. The imagery, the symbolism, the Jungian elements, the literal elements, the fact that I have ALWAYS thought Kali was one of the baddest bitches (in the best way) out there. And also, burning shit. Let’s be real: burning shit is fun. Burning negative shit is doubly fun and super satisfying.
My conscious mind sometimes gets a little (haha) self-conscious about all this: “But surely this is too hippy-dippy and woowoo, Jacobs.” And my subconscious, well, it’s not one for words much, it prefers images, but it generally flips my self-conscious conscious mind the bird. I imagine the message is along the lines of, “Fuck you, Conscious. It’s all very well and good that you’re sooooooooo rational and superior and use words. But I like images and actions and symbols, and rational explanations of why to move on just don’t make sense to me like they do to you.” So…I do this woowoo shit, and I fucking love it. Truth. It’s just a damn good and effective and cathartic way to get my subconscious on board and excited about letting go of old shit, cleaning house, and getting excited about new shit.
While I’m working on a somewhat larger project for another person, I took a break to make these bracelets for Vic. (While I love crafting for other people, sometimes it’s nice to take a break from a project that’s taking longer, and whip out some quick, instant-gratification-crafting stuff.) I’m really into making bracelets right now. I don’t know, colored beads, bracelets, some semi-precious stone chips, and you just wear them, and yeah. My new favorite.
-international newspaper subscriptions on my Kindle
-3:15pm Milk Tea (genius! and delicious!)
-finally checking out LiMing’s Global Market, and it is AMAZING – the meat substitutes are INCREDIBLE, the prices are great, holy shit, love it, love it, love it
-the weather today: gloomy, overcast, rainy, the right amount of chilly – just perfect for me
-having Goddess Leonie respond to a comment I made on her facebook page, and Sybil Buck comment on this blog – pretty much in fangrrl heaven right now, lots of mental squee-ing
-making KICKASS General Tso’s tofu last night with puffed tofu and – Greg’s new favorite, and I think mine, too – braised gluten; seriously, it is fucking awesome – I’ll have to do a post on it, so y’all vegetarian readers can see the gloriousness
-walking past a campus building on my lunch break, and hearing an orchestra practice (lovely!)
-waking up this morning with Chalupa sitting on my butt and Skeeter on my feet (they rarely snuggle *me*, they usually go straight for Greg, so I’ve been enjoying the cat-love lately; AND – Skeeter’s been getting under the covers to snuggle with me, even! he NEVER does that for me)
-just generally being in a glorious, joyous, thankful mood today – I’m enjoying the fuck out of it while it lasts, I am so happy and gleeful it’s almost (almost!) sickening
-this article, from the Guardian, about why happy people have a “rose-tinted” outlook
-looking forward to Thanksgiving with friends and loved ones
-still working on top secret crafty projects for others
ACK – how could I forget these uber lovely and luminous and wise and light-filled and just fucking RIGHT-ON words from my gorgeous friend Kimmie (who I hope doesn’t mind me posting them here, but I’m figuring not, since I reposted them on fb and she was cool with it; reblogging is just like sharing on fb, right? o.O):
“OK, so, this is what’s up. We’re all going to die, right? And there’s no money after that, no matter what you believe happens to you when you die. So what’s money good for? Its a symbol of an energy exchange that takes place between people. We are all living on the planet, trying to make it, trying to love each other. Money is something that comes and goes, in and out, like the tide. It gets redistributed again and again. Its not something that belongs to any one person or people. Its something we use to help take care of each other while we’re still breathing. When I’m in need, those I love are in a place to help me. When they’re in need, I am in a place to help them. Its all the same money. Necessary in our world today, yes. But only as a means to spread love and exchange energy with each other. When you give of yourself, no matter what the means or method, you are making room and opening yourself up to receive. When you receive, you are filling yourself up to give. Fill what is empty, and empty what is full. Take what you need today so that you can give it back to the next person, and do so with grace, gratitude, and love. And know that when you are able to give, it is in fact a gift. “
SO FUCKING BRILLIANT, am I right? She’s amazing. I love her.
AND WE WERE JUGGALOS! AND IT WAS AWESOME! (Picture shamelessly stolen and edited; taken by the RAD JANET! Who was the Cheshire Cat, and it was awesome! AND she wore Clinique’s Different Grape lipstick, which I’d been lemming, so I got to see the color “in action” as it were, and that clinched it. It’s beautiful. And I have it. And now I need to use it in a look.)
If you think you can handle the INSANITY, click! Continue reading →
I made a mask for Priscilla for Hallowe’en (at the last minute, because I’m a slack ass):
And I made Audrey a hat (although I made the “slouchy” version, and it is not at all slouchy, but still cute, I think). Sorry I seem to have lost my glass head, or I would have a “modeled” picture for you.
I actually have quite the laundry list of crafts to make (or finish making) for people, so expect – if I’m good – to see more of these posts, more regularly.
Okay, so this is more of a things I love, and things I’m grateful for, but you’re cool with that, right? I mean, that’s pretty much been the case for the last couple TiLTs.
-Gogol Bordello
-Balkan Beat Box
-”Cleopatra in New York” (original mix), by Nickodemus feat. Carol C
-being back in bellydance classes again!
-learning a swank new choreography to “Cleopatra in New York”
-anti-nausea meds and clonazepam (for helping me function and not feel nauseous to the point of disgust and misery while I adjust to a lower, safer dose of citalopram)
-green smoothies
-Luther (Idris Elba is amazing, and Ruth Wilson is amazing, too, and sooooo pretty, even if she is a sociopath)
-Wire in the Blood (my infatuation with Robson Green, let me show you it)
-the white blanket Greg’s mom gave us ages ago – it is seriously *the best feeling* blanket we have (second, and close, runner-up is the velour-y grey one Jackson gave us as a wedding gift several years ago, but it’s a little too warm for the weather lately – looking forward to busting it out in Fall, though)
-crafting for others and goody packages – I have got a TON of projects planned, and it’s a bit overwhelming, but at the same time, sooooo exciting, I love it!
-the lovely Audrey (also here, and on tumblr) quoting Pablo Neruda and making my fucking week by doing so
-planning tattoos – and trust me, the next one? IS GOING TO BE A DOOZY! I can’t wait.
-attending a wedding of two people who absolutely belong together and are rad as shit (aka, Brandi and Jonny) this weekend
-our new laptop because 1-it doesn’t suck and more importantly, 2-now we can sit on the loveseat in the living room and *each* have a laptop on our laps, and for some reason I find that image ridiculously cute
-OPI’s Steady as She Rose
-acupuncture, therapy, psychiatry, and getting back off the sugar – between cutting out sugar again, and the slight change to my anxiety meds, I’m feeling kind of not-so-hot right now, but once I get past this slight adjustment, I am going to feel RAD!
-my new filofax (the organizer to end all organizers – no more one for work and one for home and another that tracks moon phases, etc; this is THE ONE, and I love it)
-Chinese mesh slippers
-black rubber bracelets (although apparently they are or used to be some sort of teenage code for “down to fuck” if someone broke a bracelet off you; this is not why I am wearing them, so if anyone tries to get smart, they’re getting bopped on the nose; I just find them amusing, and I am fully embracing my silliness these days)
-ammeB’s awesome turban headbands – loooooooove
I think text-only is kind of boring, so I’ll post pics and vids soon, promise! And I’m still working on choosing a new layout/theme, and the destash blog sale.
-THIS, SO MUCH
-Debbie Reynolds’s auction catalog/collection – so many pretties, so many awesomes, love it!
-sequined guitar straps (you can kind of see the sequins’ reflections in this pic – sorry I couldn’t get a better one) – this belonged to the guitarist in Jews and Catholics, who we saw play at the Pinhook with Adam Thorn and Tina Sparkle – and that whole show was amazing
-blowing a grrl’s mind the other night at the Pinhook. I was very amused (since I tend to think of myself as somewhat boring, and therefore not very mind-blowing). Here’s how it went down: we were talking about dance parties, and watching people dance, and I’d already mentioned that my husband worked at the Pinhook. Then I mentioned that in the late nineties, I used to go to Legends regularly, and she was like, “(head tilt)…Isn’t that a gay club?” “Yes.” “…but you just said your husband….?” And I was like, “….yeah.” And her friend immediately got it, but she didn’t, so then I had to break it down, all, “My husband’s straight; I’m queer.” And then she looked kind of gobsmacked. Not in a bad way, just in a befuddled way. She was a lesbian herself, which made me a bit confused because surely she’s at least met bisexual people, if not people on all parts of the spectrum? Anyway, it tickled me that, me, at 31, could still blow minds. Also, it just underlined for me how fucking farcical DOMA is, since it boils down to: 1-you’re not defending marriage (divorce, single parenthood, abusive marriages, etc, etc), 2-queers are getting married (me, for instance, or, say, couples in a poly relationship, or lesbians/gays in Canada or states where it’s legal), so really, 1-DOMA is a joke, and 2-you’re just being a dick to *some* of “the gays”, so obviously you’re failing in *your* goal of being a dick to all the gays, so you might as well just QUIT IT. But this is TiLT, not soapbox time, so I’ll step down. On with the fun stuff!
-Adam motherfucking Thorn! Rocks it hard! According to Adam, Greg and I have seen him in all his musical incarnations – starting long ago with Tapeworm Love when he disemboweled a hugeass teddy bear at the Noble Street house. Which was hilarious. And messy. (Pretty sure that was the same night I fell out of love with screwdrivers.) Anyway, he played a show at the Pinhook (the same show with the sequined guitar strap) the other night, Saturday? Friday? Saturday? Let’s go with Saturday, and it was *fucking amazing*. “Nonstop Thinking Machine” makes me lose my shit. (Because it’s awesome, and catchy, and great, and makes sense, and also because *I’m* a nonstop thinking machine so…yeah, a little bit of narcissism-induced-liking there. I won’t lie. But also the line about getting closure is something I need to *know* on a cellular, non-rational, deep-self level, because, yeah, issues there; so I like it because it’s a good reminder. And catchy as shit.)
-Tina Sparkle – did I mention that was an awesome show at the Pinhook? Did I mention *the Pinhook* is awesome?
-LONG WEEKENDS! Fuck yes! Because that also means extra napping and extra laziness!
-crafting for others (STILL, and ALWAYS)
-planning surprises
-when some dude biked past me and Greg on campus and yelled out, “Sweet hair!” Thanks!
-seeing bats and fireflies at night, on the same night! (I been waiting for them fireflies to come out, and they finally did last night. Do bats eat fireflies? Is that why I’m not seeing many this summer?)
-MADELEINES – per Robyn’s request, I will be posting recipes later, so I’ll save the pictures for that post, and leave this TiLT text heavy, muahahaha
-unicorn tattoos
-a Smuckers car (I don’t know – it was like the Weinermobile but it was for Smuckers. And the roof was painted like a Smuckers jar lid. It was pretty sweet. Wish I’d taken a cellphone pic at least. Oh well.)
-”Mary Jane’s Last Dance” (which, apparently “someone” was a little drunk when she wrote that down, because I actually wrote down “Rosemary Last Dance”)
-a hippie grrl in a gorgeous velvet-trimmed skirt walking barefoot in downtown Durham at about midnight
Edited to add: have fallen into a hole of this site, holy shit, so awesome, so inspiring, so weird, so lovely, so grotesque, so amazing. Sometimes I forget how much I love art, and all types of it. I guess because what I usually just come across in my day is kind of….meh, or shit I’m not into. (For example, was discussing Sasha Grey’s Neu Sex today – I mean, I guess it’s art, if she says it is, but it’s not shit I care about.) But then I find sites like Nihilsentimentalgia09, and remember/realize that there’s plenty of art out there that I *adore* and am amazed by. Maybe I don’t trip over it constantly in Durham, or my house, but it’s there if I look. Or, better yet, if I start to make the stuff I like myself. There’s an idea…
I’m about two weeks behind on my TiLT posts – been too much in my own head to post. But happy things happened, nonetheless!
from 5/5/11:
-band practice
-mini retreats
-uke jams – HUGE ones, with big turnouts! so many lovely, friendly people, such a joyous noise
-5-year-old’s complimenting my sparkly makeup
-cool breezes that are just the right temperature
-bellydance being challenging again (learning a new style – a bit frustrating, but rewarding because I’m making new neural pathways, and learning new things, yay!)
-director’s cut of Army of Darkness (even though I prefer the ending on the “regular” cut)
-watching Durham – the view from the back porch of the Pinhook is really gorgeous
-the idea of “streampunk” – from the Beaver Queen Pageant – beavers and steampunk = ADORABLE!
-Coilhouse issues 1-5, sooooo good!
-a baby bird landing on Greg (he freaked out, but I thought it was magical)
-CSA! so much produce! and eggs and cheese! we have been eating so well, y’all! I have to do a whole other post on the meals and stuff.
-the smell of honeysuckles
-dog-jaw
-therapy, and learning to tap into my deeper self/inner stillness
-Polly Walker, Gemma Arterton, and Brody Dalle – gorgeous, gorgeous, gorgeous, lovely, strong women!
-crafting for others (in this case, RSL ATCs)
-Clash of the Titans (both versions)
from 5/12/11:
-rescuing baby mice (I rescued a baby mouse that had crawled out of our planter and was stranded on the back porch, in the pouring rain, and crying for his family. I put him back in the planter, and could hear their squeaks as they located each other. CUTE!)
-Rosemary’s Baby: gin, rosemary syrup, grapefruit juice, lime – utterly delicious
-The Shining: whiskey and honey, and even though I’m not a whiskey gal, DELISH!
-internet that works again – woo woo!
-better moods
-Weeds
-skirts and dresses – now to just sew up a bunch
-Gretchen Rubin’s Happiness Project
-Debbie Ford’s 21-Day Consciousness Cleanse
-hanging out with friends
-Goddess Leonie’s Sacred Pricing post, especially Jaguar Woman’s quote: “In everything – everything – there needs to be an exchange of energy. An equal one. One that fills me up. One that fills you up.”
-planning trips
-learning that insect spray is a mouse deterrent (but doesn’t harm the mice)
-meeting friendly new people and talking about books
-Shortwave Society
-hearing grrls I don’t know call me cute and admire my outfit, when they think I can’t hear them (that means it’s definitely sincere; thanks, ladies!)
for 5/17/11:
-my super-duper, loveable, loving, helpful, kind, generous husband
-Cuban Revolution
-egg creams – SCRUMPTIOUS
-karaoke!
-acupuncture
-baking madeleines! I love it! and I have a bajillion ideas about how to tweak the recipe and get different flavors, so I’ll probably be baking madeleines for a while.
-sitting on the front porch in the evening and hearing owls
-breakfast smoothies
-wild strawberries (haven’t seen one in *years*)
-kind of seeing the sun rise (I couldn’t sleep, so I was awake from about 5am to 6am, and managed to get one good-ish, blurry shot, but then was too tired to wait through the rest of the sun rise and went back to bed – but some day! some day, I’ll watch the whole thing, start to finish, again)
